Monday, December 28, 2009

The Four Stages of A Man's Life

The four stages of a man's life:

1 - You believe in Santa Claus.

2 - You don't believe in Santa Claus.

3 - You are Santa Claus.

4 - You look like Santa Claus.

Christmas 2009

This year’s Christmas went a bit faster and less “stressful”. I guess a large part has to do with the fact that a usual large Christmas gathering was brought forward by almost two weeks because of travel plans made by some of the attendees. This year’s Mid-Autumn Festival was also brought forward by one week because of travel plans made.

Having a Christmas gathering two weeks in advance meant having to buy your presents even earlier. It forced me to get out and shop and I actually avoided a lot of last-minute shoppers compared to last year. As I have already bought the presents, I decided to give my colleagues their presents earlier too (by about a week) and not wait till the Eve or a day before the Eve.

This year I got a number of presents which I was going to buy them myself within the next two months or so if I haven’t got them.

I was looking out for a bag but didn’t find any to my likings and I was given a bag with lots of compartments (the way I wanted it) and in the colour I wanted.

I was out shopping for socks and I was given two pairs.

I had wanted to try the Kokutoh Chocolate from Royce’ and I was given a box.

I recently attended a course on how to make ice cream and though I had ordered three books on the topic from Amazon, I was given one with 500 recipes containing lots of colourful and beautiful photos.

One present which brought back childhood memories was a rectangular box of Van Houten Almonds Chocolate given to me by a junior staff member. The moment I held it when my colleague gave it to me I already knew what it was. However I no longer enjoy them as when I was a kid; the chocolate was too sweet and the almond was very tiny. Perhaps I have been spoilt by gourmet chocolates.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Hediard @ Tudor Court

Hediard of Paris, a delicatessen of luxury fine food, opened its boutique in Singapore at Tudor Court in April 2005. It was expanded to include a café/restaurant in May 2007. Its two retail counters are at Paragon and ION Orchard.

Hediard was started by Ferdinard Hediard when he opened his first shop in Paris in 1854. As of 2007, Hediard has five integrated boutiques in Paris, 20 boutiques and more than 100 retailers in France, 20 boutiques and more than 200 retailers worldwide, including 55 outlets in Japan, seven in Seoul and three in China (Shanghai, Beijing and Canton).

There are about 1,000 items available in Hediard Singapore. These include its specialty fruits products, chocolates, biscuits, confectionery, marmalades and jams, honey, spices, tea, coffee, wine, mustard, oils, vinegars, caviar, salmon, etc.

Hediard is well-known for its fruit jellies. Out of its 14 flavours, I personally prefer the citrus and sour range. The texture is just nice – it is not too hard or soft and they don’t stick to your teeth. I think only Canele’s lycee jelly which was sold during Chinese New Year is close enough. Hediard fruit jellies cost $14.90 per 100 gm and you get about 5 pieces.


Its chocolates are smooth and creamy. For its chocolates with fruit fillings, it seems they just coat their fruit jellies with chocolate, which give a different, though not entirely bad, mouth feel than those offered by other chocolatiers. Priced at $23 per 100 gm, which yields about 10 pieces, it is comparable to other chocolatiers.


As I have mentioned many times, it is always cheaper to buy per weight/piece. It is no different at Hediard. Prices can be steep, which is unavoidable, if you are buying in a box as a gift. For instance, a 330 gm gift box of assorted chocolates costs $89.90. Buying by weight, 330 gm should cost you $75.90. Thus you are paying $14 just for the traditional red box.

Do note that the café/restaurant is opened from 9 am, for breakfast, but closes very early at 8 pm. You can see the menu here.

Service at Hediard has always been very good and professional and the staff are very accommodating, though sometimes they can be very busy, which is understandable.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Christmas Songs

It’s time of the year when you will hear Christmas songs being played over the radio or in the malls.

Besides the “usual” and “traditional” carols and songs, certain songs stick to my memory since I was a kid; those that make you laugh.

I like to highlight four songs in the next four posts and they are, in the order I came to know them:

Donde Esta Santa Claus by Augie Rios

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus by The Jackson Five

All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth and

Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer by Dr Elmo

Donde Esta Santa Claus by Augie Rios

This song was a hit in 1958 and was sung by Augie Rios.

I used to be tickled by the first line of this song when I was a kid even though I had no idea what it meant.

The first line, in Spanish, simply mean, “Foxy lady (or hot mama), where is Santa Claus?”



Mamacita, donde esta Santa Claus?
Donde esta Santa Claus?
And the toys that he will leave.
Mamacita, oh, where is Santa Claus?
I look for him because it's a Christmas Eve.

I know that I should be sleeping,
But maybe he's not far away,
Out of the window I'm peeping,
Hoping to see him in his sleigh.

I hope he won't forget to clack his castinet,
And to his reindeer, say,
Oh! Pancho, Oh! Vixen, Oh! Pedro, Oh! Blitzen,
Ole! Ole! Ole! cha cha cha.

Mamacita, donde esta Santa Claus?
Oh! Where is Santa Claus?
It's Christmas Eve.
Mamacita, donde esta Santa Claus?
I look for him because it's Christmas Eve.

I know that I should be sleeping,
But maybe he's not far away,
Out of the window I'm peeping,
Hoping to see him in sleigh.

I hope he won't forget to crack his castinet,
And to his reindeer, say,
Oh! Pancho, Oh! Vixen, Oh! Pedro, Oh! Blitzen,
Ole! Ole! Ole! cha cha cha.

Mamacita, donde esta Santa Claus?
Oh! Where is Santa Claus?
It's Christmas Eve.
It's Christmas Eve...

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus by The Jackson Five

This song was composed by Tommie Connor and was an instant hit for Jimmy Boyd in 1952, when he was only 13 years old. He passed away on 7 March 2009.

Apparently, the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Boston condemned this song as mixing sex with Christmas until they were told that Santa was really Daddy in costume.

This version is by The Jackson Five, with clips of Michael Jackson.



I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night
She didn't see me creep
Down the stairs to have a peep
She thought that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep
Then I saw Mommy tickle Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white
Oh, what a laugh it would have been
If Daddy had only seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night

All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth

This was composed by Don Gardner in 1944, first published in 1946 and recorded in 1948.

For more background information on this song, click here.

Other than the first line, I have forgotten the rest of the lyrics.



Everybody pauses and stares at me
These two teeth are gone as you can see
I don't know just who to blame for this catastrophe!
But my one wish on Christmas Eve is as plain as it can be!

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth,
my two front teeth, see my two front teeth!

Gee, if I could only have my two front teeth,
then I could wish you "Merry Christmas."
It seems so long since I could say,
"Sister Susie sitting on a thistle!"
Gosh oh gee, how happy I'd be,
if I could only whistle (thhhh, thhhh)

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth,
my two front teeth,see my two front teeth.

Gee, if I could only have my two front teeth,
then I could wish you "Merry Christmas!"

Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer by Dr Elmo

This funny song was written by Randy Brooks and originally performed by Dr Elmo and his wife Patsy in 1979. Dr Elmo re-recorded it solo in 1992 and 2000.

According to the lyrics, the grandmother of the family got drunk from drinking too much eggnog but had to go home to get her forgotten medication. On the way back, she was ran over by Santa and killed.



CHORUS:
Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas Eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me an' Grandpa, we believe.

She'd been drinking too much eggnog,
And we begged her not to go.
But she forgot her medication,
And she staggered out the door into the snow.

When we found her Christmas morning,
At the scene of the attack
She had hoof prints on her forehead,
And incriminating Claus marks on her back.

CHORUS

Now we're all so proud of Grandpa,
He's been taking this so well.
See him in there watching football,
Drinking beer and playing cards with cousin Mel.

It's not Christmas without Grandma,
All the family's dressed in black.
And we just can't help but wonder
Should we open up her gifts or send them back?
(SEND THEM BACK!!! )

CHORUS

Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of fig (ahhhhh!)
And the blue and silver candles,
That would just have matched the hair in Grandma's wig.

I've warned all my friends and neighbours,
Better watch out for yourselves.
They should never give a license,
To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves.
(Sing it, Grandpa!)

CHORUS

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Wash Your Hands Too (parody of Wonder Girls’ Nobody)

This is a spoof of Wonder Girls’ Nobody by Mr Brown.



I dowan you to touch me baby
You go toilet never wash hand right?
When you wash your body, wash your hands too!
When you wash your body, wash your hands too!
You don’t want to get swine flu or someone pass to you
You better wash your body your body your body
H1N1 is confirm no fun
Be careful where you go, US or Mexico
If you have temperature that mean you got fever
Don’t just take honey, this flu is not funny
Maybe it’s time to wear a mask
Maybe you have forgotten SARS!
Whatever the weather, must bring thermometer
Stick it in your armpit or down there!!
When you wash your body, wash your hands too!
When you wash your body, wash your hands too!
Though the level is yellow, don’t be dirty fellow
You better wash your body your body your body
When you wash your body, wash your hands too!
Must wash after poo poo or germs will stick to you
Wash more than your body your body
I know you use finger, don’t let the smell linger
I know you dig gold, and wipe on some pole
You scratch your backside, and think you can hide
You play your below, take ice from my Milo
Maybe it’s time to be hygiene, maybe you should be quarantined
Don’t be a spreader, we stay clean together!
We’ll pick the kutus from each other’s hair!
When you wash your body, wash your hands too!
When you wash your body, wash your hands too!
If you think you’re infected don’t blur go Orchard
Don’t pass to somebody somebody so mebody
When you wash your body, wash your hands too!
When you wash your body, wash your hands too!
Must wash after pang jio; the Wonder Girls damn chio
They dowan your body your body your body
Back in the days when we only took a bath monthly now…
Looking at you I feel, as sick Kim Jong III
Your breath smell like kimchi, you see
There’s no vaccine Eugene
Go wash your body your body your body
Wash your hands too!

Wonder Girls - Nobody (English Version with lyrics)

This is the English Version which was released as a single in the US.



You know I still love you baby, and it will never change (saranghae)
I want nobody nobody but you!
I want nobody nobody but you!
How can I be with another, I don’t want any other
I want nobody nobody nobody!
Why are you trying to, to make me leave ya
I know what you’re thinking. Baby, why aren’t you listening?
How can I just, just love someone else and
Forget you completely, when I know you still love me
Telling me you’re not good enough. My life with you is just too tough.
You know it’s not right, so just stop and come back boy
How can this be when we were meant to be
I want nobody nobody but you!
I want nobody nobody but you!
How can I be with another, I don’t want any other
I want nobody nobody nobody!
I want nobody nobody but you!
I want nobody nobody but you!
How can I be with another, I don’t want any other
I want nobody nobody nobody!
Why can’t we just, just be like this cause it’s you that I need and
nothing else until the end
Who else can ever make my feel the way I
I feel when I’m with you, no one will ever do
Telling me you’re not good enough. My life with you is just too tough.
You know me enough, so you know what I need boy
Right next to you is where I need to be
I want nobody nobody but you!
I want nobody nobody but you!
How can I be with another, I don’t want any other
I want nobody nobody nobody!
I want nobody nobody but you!
I want nobody nobody but you!
How can I be with another, I don’t want any other
I want nobody nobody nobody!
I don’t want nobody, body
I don’t want nobody, body
Honey you know it’s you that I want,
It’s you that I need, why can’t you see
I want nobody nobody but you!
I want nobody nobody but you.
How can I be with another, I don’t want any other
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody
I want nobody nobody but you!
I want nobody nobody but you!
How can I be with another, I don’t want any other
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody
Back to days when we were so young and wild and free
Nothing else matter other than you and me, so tell me why can’t it be
Please let me live my life my way, why do you push me away
I don’t want nobody nobody nobody nobody but you.

Wonder Girls - Nobody (with romanized lyrics)

This song has already been on the charts for more than half a year already and it is still popular. I last talk about it in one of my May 2009 postings.

It quite amusing to see grown men, especially male athletics and personnel from the military and police, doing the dance. It is a delight to see young toddlers doing the dance.

Here is another video clip of the song, starting with the ballad version and then the original version. Hopefully this clip will not be removed subsequently. The romanized korean lyrics appear below the clip.



[YooBin]:
You know I still love you baby, and it will never change

[ALL]:
I want nobody nobody but you!
I want nobody nobody but you!

[SunYe]:
Nan daru saramon shiro niga animon shiro

[ALL]:
I want nobody nobody nobody!

[SunMi]:
Nan shirunde weynal mirone
Yogo hanijagu nemarun duji agu
We gidoke darun namje yeyge
Nal boneryo hani hotoge eyoni.

[SoHee]:
Nal weyay gurodan gu mal
Nun bujuka danun gu mal
Ejeku maney nun narul asama weh
Wonha jido anungwol dan yohay!

[ALL]:
I want nobody nobody but you!
I want nobody nobody but you!

[YeEun]:
Nan daru saramon shiro niga animon shiro

[ALL]:
I want nobody nobody nobody!
I want nobody nobody but you!
I want nobody nobody but you!

[SunYe]:
Nan daru saramon shiro niga animon shiro

[ALL]:
I want nobody nobody nobody!

[SunMi]:
Nan jowonde nan hengbokande
Noman isoyondwe du badake obnonde
Nugul monaso hengbokaran noya
Nan nowl donaso hengbokal so woso.

[SoHee]:
Nal weyay gurodan gu mal
Nun bujuka danun gu mal
Mari-an denum mari-ran gu way mola
Niga obshi odoge hengboke!

[ALL]:
I want nobody nobody but you!
I want nobody nobody but you!

[YeEun]:
Nan daru saramon shiro niga animon shiro

[ALL]:
I want nobody nobody nobody!
I want nobody nobody but you!
I want nobody nobody but you!

[SunYe]:
Nan daru saramon shiro niga animon shiro

[ALL]:
I want nobody nobody nobody!
I don’t want nobody, body
I don’t want nobody, body

[YeEun]:
Nan jemal niga nimyon niga nimyon shildan maya Ahhh….

[ALL]:
I want nobody nobody but you!
I want nobody nobody but you.

[YeEun]:
Nan daru saramon shiro niga animon shiro

[ALL]:
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody
I want nobody nobody but you!
I want nobody nobody but you!

[SunYe]:
Nan daru saramon shiro niga animon shiro

[ALL]:
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

[YooBiin]:
Back to days when we were so young and wild and free
modengge nomuna guman gatedon gute rodora gago shepunde
way jagu naru miro ney hay
Why do you push me away?
I don’t want nobody nobody nobody nobody but you.

What It Should Have Been

I guess we will read what are on the front page, or at least the headlines, of our national newspaper, The Straits Times, every morning. I do that. After all, all the significant and important news are supposed to be on the front page.

But nowadays I will also turn to the next page immediately to see whether there are any corrections under the heading, What It Should Have Been. I don’t want to repeat anything that was wrongly reported. And it seems it is getting more frequent.

Just this week alone, from Monday to Saturday, there were three corrections. On Tuesday, we were told that it was jeans and not leggings that were selling at a special price; on Wednesday, whether a degree offered by a university was the first degree ever offered outside the country; and on Friday, we were told the name of the company that won an award was wrongly reported.

Well I supposed not knowing whether the above were errors won’t make any difference to my life or those around me. But what if the error does and will affect me. I guess I will have to look out for this column every morning just in case.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

There is NO Santa Claus

There has long been a conspiracy in western societies to propagate to children that there is a Santa Claus. Address a letter to Santa Claus, North Pole, and you will get a reply from Santa himself. This will not happen anymore as one of the biggest party to this conspiracy, the US Postal Service, announced that it will be dropping the small Alaska town of North Pole from a popular national programme where volunteers respond to thousands of such letters. For the reason(s) behind this move and the full report, please go here.

Well sooner or later, these children will eventually find out that there is no Santa Claus no matter whether they have been naughty or nice.

Any one intelligent enough, or with a bit more of “santa searching” will eventually see the truth. Otherwise refer to the following inquiry report filed in January 1990.

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified; and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total, which is about 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 108 million homes. One presumes there is at least one good child in each home.

3) Thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, and assuming Santa travels east to west (which seems logical), he has 31 hours of Christmas to work with. This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest manmade vehicle on earth, the Ulysses Space Probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeers. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is five times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth 2 (the cruise ship, not the Queen).

5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeers up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeers will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeers behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporised within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion, if Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Patients’ Records – What’s that again?

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

The patient refused an autopsy.

The patient has no past history of suicides.

Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.

She is numb from her toes down.

The skin was moist and dry.

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.

Patient was seen in consultation by Dr Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

The left leg became numb at times and she walked it off.

Father died in his 90s of female trouble in his prostate and kidneys.

Both the patient and the nurse herself reported passing flatus.

Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

Patient stated that if she would lie down, within two or three minutes something would come across her abdomen and knock her up.

By the time she was admitted to the hospital her rapid heart had stopped and she was feeling much better.

Patient has bilateral varicosities below the legs.

If he squeezes the back of his neck for four or five years it comes and goes.

Speculum was inserted between the eyes.

Dr. Blank is watching his prostate.

At the time of onset of pregnancy the mother was undergoing bronchoscopy.

She was treated with Mycostatin oral suppositories.

The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day school three times a week.

Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Cheeky Chocolates @ Iluma

I think there are a dozen or so of varieties of chocolates available at Cheeky Chocolates and two of them are with alcohol. They were displayed like jewelleries in individual display cases and are sold at $2.20 per piece.


I bought the Coffee Addict, Passion Fruit Euphoria, Bored Lemon, Happy Hazelnut, Lavender Love, Cheeky Chocolate, Dark & Sexy and Lust. I enjoyed the Coffee Addict, Happy Hazelnut and Cheeky Chocolate the most. The Passion Fruit and Lemon were average. The Dark & Sexy and Lust were a disappointment. Given their names and unique shapes they ought to be signature pieces and as such I expected more in terms of taste, texture and kick.

The Lavender Love in a heart shape was refreshing with its strong aroma and taste of lavender. I haven’t come across any other chocolatiers carrying this flavour and this could be another of their signature piece. It is a tad too tiny though and it would have been great if the size was bigger which would then give more substance and taste to it.

Overall some good finds. Otherwise just try their vast ranges of chocolate desserts, like their Cheeky Chocolate Warm Chocolate Cake.

The other outlet is at 223 Upper Thomson Road. Their website is still under construction.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

English: Noun and Verb

To add to its complexity, an English word can have a different meaning when used as a noun or a verb. Here are some examples.

A farm can produce produce.
The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
The present is a good time to present the present to the President.
The doves dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of Novocaine injections, my jaw got number.
I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.
I had to subject the subject to a series of subjects.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
Just wanted to say hi, before I resume writting my resume.
The doctor was very patient with his patient.
We polish the Polish furniture.
He was reading some news about Reading.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
You need to insert a paragraph here on this newspaper insert.
The manufacturer couldn't recall if there had been a recall.
The religious convert wanted to convert the world.
The political rebels wanted to rebel against the world.
The mogul wanted to record a new record for his latest artist.
If you perfect your intonation, your accent will be perfect.
Unfortunately, City Hall wouldn't permit them to get a permit.

The intonation of a word is therefore crucial to understanding whether it is meant to be a noun or a verb. The stress of a verb is usually on the last syllable, and that of a noun is on the first syllable.

Singapore English

The English did invent the English Language, but they cannot use it as effectively when communicating their intentions compared to Singaporeans. Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to-the-point and effective.

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you."

Singaporeans: "No stock!"

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: "Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone call for me a few moments ago?"

Singaporeans: "Hello, who call huh?"

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
Britons: "Excuse me, I would like to get by. Would you please make way?"

Singaporeans: "S-kew me..."

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: "Hey! Put your wallet away, this drink is on me."

Singaporeans: "No need lah."

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: "Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?"

Singaporeans: (pointing at the door) "Can or not?"

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: "Please make yourself right at home."

Singaporeans: "No need shy one lah!"

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: "I don't recall you giving me the money."

Singaporeans: "Where got?"

WHEN DECIDING ON A PLAN OF ACTION
Britons: "What do you propose we do now that the movie's sold out and all the restaurants are closed?"

Singaporeans: "So how?"

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: "I would prefer not to do that, if you don't mind."

Singaporeans: "Don't want lah."

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: "Err...Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue."

Singaporeans: "You mad ah?"

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE
Britons: "Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice? I'm trying to concentrate over here."

Singaporeans: "Shaddap lah!"

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU
Britons: "Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for sometime. Do I know you?"

Singaporeans: "See what, see what?"

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION
Britons: "We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment."

Singaporeans: "Die lah!!"

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: "Will someone tell me what has just happened?"

Singaporeans: "What happened ah? Why like that one lah?"

WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: "This isn't the way to do it. Here, let me show you."

Singaporeans: "Like that also don't know how to do!"

Sunday, November 8, 2009

English Paradox

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese? One index, two indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If vegetarians eat vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposite, while quite a few and quite a lot are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell the other day.

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or piccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

The above was circulated in an email to me in 2001.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Ariston Water Heater Tank Leaking

When I reached home at almost 9 pm on Thursday, I found water was leaking from the pipes leading to the water heater. Based on the amount of water accumulated in the tub underneath the leaking pipes, the leakage had thankfully started not too long ago.

I turned off the water supply leading to the water heater but it was still leaking. At that moment it didn’t occur to me that this was expected as there was still water in the heater. I called my plumber and told him it was an emergency and he came promptly half an hour later.

Well his diagnosis was that the water heater was spoilt and needed to be changed. Spoilt to me meant the water couldn’t be heated up as was the previous case. I was surprised to learn that when a water heater is spoilt it could leak. This got me to immediate make a mental note to myself that if my family and I were to take a holiday trip, one extra thing to do is to turn off the water supply to the water heater in case it gets spoilt during our absence.

My water heater was purchased in February 2005 and there was a possibility that it was still within the warranty period if mine was five years. A call to the Service Center revealed that mine was under a four-year warranty and thus had expired. The Customer Service Officer told me that those made in China carries a warranty of three years, whilst those made in Vietnam, four years and those made in Italy, five years.

Told my plumber yesterday morning to replace the water heater for me, which he will do so later this afternoon.

Thank God for his promptness as I have already took four unpleasant cold showers.

Warm water open up your pores which will make cleansing more effective. Towards the end of your shower, you should reduce the temperature of the water progressively to a comfortable level so that the pores can be closed after showering.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Autobot Stronghold Wish List

Having discussed with my cousin, her husband and her 8-year old son, who introduced me to the game, we came up with this Wish List. This is a list of things we thought might increase the “fun factor” of the game.

We are no expert in flash games and not aware of the design and play limitations, if any, such games might have compared to a “full pledge” video game. As such our suggestions are mainly focused on game play.

1. More Autobots – there are currently only five

2. More Decepticons – there are currently only six

3. More Waves – there are currently only fifty

4. Have different terrains/courses/layouts/tower designs (maps) to choose from – currently only one layout

5. Possibility of combining points (1), (2) and (4) together; that is with each different map, different Autobots are available and different Decepticons will appear.

6. Option to be the “bad guy”, that is the ability to deploy Decepticons against the Autobots instead of the current single mode of just deploying Autobots against the Decepticons.

7. Two-player mode: one player to deploy the Autobots and the other player, the Decepticons.

Do you have any others?

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Notes to My Mother (a dementia patient) by Gan See Siong

"Now I find you where I left you" - Diane Ackerman

1

Each visit I find you where I left you
We haven't moved
Yet I am winded from the battle
You do not wish to
We do not wish you to
Do not wish to
Really do

Beside you
I think I heard a hurricane beating behind closed doors
I felt my bruises the entire length of each stay
Your speech, manner and mien
Where are they?

2

I have no key to your door;
I tread the fragile catwalk between your lucidity and hallucination.
It's hard to notice when the door is ajar
When it's only a few heartbeats wide
I hold you as you listen and speak
Fully present, yet wholly mind-roaming.
Tomorrow we will speak again
I will find you where I left you.

3

If words anchor thought
I will gather enough of them
To build a mind bridge towards you
Wishing it will span the angry swirls
Of water churning beneath.
But like Hope's slippery pontoon, my words fall apart
Leaving me in a wet and remembered now.



See Siong wrote this poem in August 2009. This poem was published in the latest issue (Vol. 8 No. 4 Oct 2009) of the Quarterly Literary Review Singapore, the lnternet literary journal of Singapore.

As See Siong is a friend of mine, this poem is more poignant to all of us who are aware of his mother’s condition.

His other poem in the QLRS, Words, can be found here.


Sunday, November 1, 2009

The Cockpit?

What goes on inside the cockpit, most will not know. It is well secured.

Whenever a pilot wants to use the toilet, a senior flight attendant has to secure one, and then signal to the pilot to come out. Out he comes quickly and the cockpit door is immediately closed. In he goes inside the toilet swiftly and promptly, as if he has been holding for a long time, whilst the flight attendant stands guard outside his cubicle and the cockpit. When he is done, he swiftly and promptly goes back into the cockpit. Almost the same procedures apply when meals are served to the pilots in the cockpit.

Before it became a rule not to open the cockpit door to non-crew members, decades ago, and well before 911, there were instances when the pilots might invite a person or two to go inside the cockpit to have a look.

And here is a true, albeit funny, encounter by my friend’s sister; yes, two decades ago.

She was waiting for her flight at the airport and a pilot walked by. He made a pass at her and asked her whether she wanted to go to the cockpit. Whilst she was pleased she was also wary as she wondered why the pilot wanted her to go to the Cockpit Hotel.

Side note: The Cockpit Hotel, in Penang Road, was completed in 1972 but razed down in 2002 to make way for a commercial cum residential project.

Talking about air travel always reminds of this encounter by a former SIA stewardess (not the one in Perth now).

She was going about to clear the food trays. She asked the passenger, “Sir, are you finished?” The passenger responded, “No, I am British.”

Pilots have the lives of the crew and passengers in their hands literally. If they goofed up not only those on board are in danger, those in the vicinity of where the plane might hit or land are also in danger. As such, no sympathy for pilots whose licences are revoked because of safety violation.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Seasonal vs H1N1 Flu Shot

There have been so many conflicting reports on the merits of the H1N1 Flu Vaccine. The more I read about them, the more confused I am as some of “facts” are hard to verify. For instance, we have the article in Newseek in support of the Vaccine and another disturbing one by the controversial Dr Russell Blaylock who is against it.

I took my annual seasonal flu shot two weeks ago and had a chat with my family doctor on this. Whilst she gives herself and her family the seasonal flu shot she does not intend to do so with the H1N1 Vaccine. She told me the research and trial period for this Vaccine was too short. The production of the Vaccine was too rushed. She didn’t recommend that I take the H1N1 Vaccine. I believe she would advise against it but would still administer the shot if her patients insisted.

I will not be taking the H1N1 Vaccine and I guess I just have to be very careful and follow the general advices given, which are:

1. To wash one’s hands thoroughly especially after touching things like door knobs, railings or surfaces in public.

2. Not to touch your face, especially rub your nose, mouth or eye after touching public surfaces.

3. Boost one’s immunity by taking food or supplements rich in vitamins C, D and E.

4. Plenty of fluid.

5. Adequate sleep and rest.

6. Appropriate exercise.


Some Chinese Words of Wisdom

一山不能容二虎,除非一公和一母。

我和超人的唯一區別是:我把內褲穿在褲子裡面。

一個人並不孤單,想一個人時才孤單。

騎白馬的不一定是王子,可能是唐僧。

帶翅膀的不一定是天使,也可能是'鳥人'。

錢不是問題,問題是我沒有錢。

對流血一週仍然不死的動物千萬不能大意。

避孕的效果:不成功,便成人。

男人的謊言可以騙女人一夜,女人的謊言可以騙男人一生!

寧願相信世間有鬼,也不能相信男人的那張嘴!

生,容易。活,容易。生活不容易。

我不是隨便的人,但隨便起來就不是人。

流氓不可怕,就怕流氓有文化。

水能載舟,亦能煮粥!

聰明的女人對付男人,而笨女人對付女人。

Some Words of Wisdom

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.
In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.

Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.

No one is listening until you fart.

Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.

There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Your sole purpose in life may be to simply serve as a warning to others.

People will accept your idea more readily, if you tell them some famous people said it first.

Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.

Following the path of least resistance is what makes rivers and men crooked.

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Life is 10% of what happens to you, and 90% of how you respond to it.

He who scratches his ass shouldn’t bite his fingernails.

People who live in glass houses should wear clothes.

You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.

Life is what happens to you when you’re making other plans.

Going to church does not make you a Christian anymore than going to McDonald’s makes you a hamburger.

If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.

The best angle from which to approach any problem is the try-angle.

The Amazing Cucumber

I received the following through email two weeks ago and have not verified or tried any of these claims.

1. Cucumbers contain most of the vitamins you need every day. Just one cucumber contains Vitamins B1, B2, B3, B5, B6, Folic Acid, Vitamin C, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium, Phosphorus, Potassium and Zinc.

2. Feeling tired in the afternoon, put down the caffeinated soda and pick up a cucumber. Cucumbers are a good source of B Vitamins and Carbohydrates that can provide that quick pick-me-up that can last for hours.

3. Tired of your bathroom mirror fogging up after a shower? Try rubbing a cucumber slice along the mirror, it will eliminate the fog and provide a soothing, spa-like fragrance.

4. Are grubs and slugs ruining your planting beds? Place a few slices in a small pie tin and your garden will be free of pests all season long. The chemicals in the cucumber react with the aluminum to give off a scent undetectable to humans but drive garden pests crazy and make them flee the area.

5. Looking for a fast and easy way to remove cellulite before going out or to the pool? Try rubbing a slice or two of cucumbers along your problem area for a few minutes, the phytochemicals in the cucumber cause the collagen in your skin to tighten, firming up the outer layer and reducing the visibility of cellulite. Works great on wrinkles too!!

6. Want to avoid a hangover or terrible headache? Eat a few cucumber slices before going to bed and wake up refreshed and headache free. Cucumbers contain enough sugar, B vitamins and electrolytes to replenish essential nutrients the body lost, keeping everything in equilibrium, avoiding both a hangover and headache!!

7. Looking to fight off that afternoon or evening snacking binge? Cucumbers have been used for centuries and often used by European trappers, traders and explores for quick meals to thwart off starvation.

8. Have an important meeting or job interview and you realise that you don't have enough time to polish your shoes? Rub a freshly cut cucumber over the shoe, its chemicals will provide a quick and durable shine that not only looks great but also repels water.

9. Out of WD 40 and need to fix a squeaky hinge? Take a cucumber slice and rub it along the problematic hinge, and voila, the squeak is gone!

10. Stressed out and don't have time for massage, facial or visit to the spa? Cut up an entire cucumber and place it in a boiling pot of water, the chemicals and nutrients from the cucumber with react with the boiling water and be released in the steam, creating a soothing, relaxing aroma that has been shown the reduce stress in new mothers and college students during final exams.

11. Just finish a business lunch and realise you don't have gum or mints? Take a slice of cucumber and press it to the roof of your mouth with your tongue for 30 seconds to eliminate bad breath, the phytochemcials will kill the bacteria in your mouth responsible for causing bad breath.

12. Looking for a 'green' way to clean your faucets, sinks or stainless steel? Take a slice of cucumber and rub it on the surface you want to clean, not only will it remove years of tarnish and bring back the shine, but is won't leave streaks and won't harm you fingers or fingernails while you clean.

13. Using a pen and made a mistake? Take the outside of the cucumber and slowly use it to erase the pen writing, also works great on crayons and markers that the kids have used to decorate the walls!!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

may i feel said he by e e cummings

Was watching The Weakest Link this evening and one of the questions was what was the unique style of e e cummings' poems. And immediately I remember this brilliant piece which I want to share with you.

Well, if you read more of Edward Estlin Cummings’ (1894-1962) works, you will notice that he doesn't used capital letters, appropriate punctuation and syntax.

may i feel said he
(i'll squeal said she
just once said he)
it's fun said she

(may i touch said he
how much said she
a lot said he)
why not said she

(let's go said he
not too far said she
what's too far said he
where you are said she)

may i stay said he
(which way said she
like this said he
if you kiss said she

may i move said he
is it love said she)
if you're willing said he
(but you're killing said she

but it's life said he
but your wife said she
now said he)
ow said she

(tiptop said he
don't stop said she
oh no said he)
go slow said she

(cccome?said he
ummm said she)
you're divine!said he
(you are Mine said she)

This was the first piece of his works that I came across. At that time I thought the author’s surname was a joke; that someone just playfully conjured to go along with this erotic (in a beautiful and wholesome way) piece, until I read more of his works and knew that indeed there was this American poet, playwright and author.

Soap Creative – The People Behind Autobot Stronghold

Whilst I have said in my earlier post that I pay too much attention to details and facts of my posts and would like to “relax” a bit, I am glad I did as my post on how to Win, Clear 50 Waves & Score at Autobot Stronghold not only have been receiving a lot of hits from all over the world, it has also caught the attention of Soap Creative, the people whom LG engaged to design the Game.

Three persons from Soap Creative had emailed me to say they were amazed by the level of details and game strategy that I have provided in my post. I was told that they didn’t know about the Ultimate Cheat as it was unintentional and probably a bug. As a token of appreciation and encouragement, they gave me a USD50 Amazon voucher.

Autobot Stronghold is one of the finalists for the ADMA (Australian Direct Marketing Association) Awards 2009, which will be held in Sydney on 19 Nov 09. Two other works by Soap Creative, The Chicken Race and Lynx Primal Instinct, are also contending finalists.

Well they have also asked me what I thought of Autobot Stronghold Game and whether there was anything that I would like to change. Do you have anything? If you have any comments or suggestions on this Game, please leave your comments here.

Soap Creative is currently working on another tower defence game for Marvel and it should be pretty cool and out soon.

For a detail list of the games by Soap Creative and to play them, go here.

Why Blog? How Blog?

I have not posted anything for nearly four weeks now though there were so many things on my mind that I wanted to share.

This is what I was afraid of and one of the reasons why I didn’t started blogging earlier. It has to do with my character – in everything I do, that has a direct reflection of me, it has to be done to the best of my effort. So, as far as this Blog is concerned, it has to be written in a clear and concise way and all facts must be verified and elaborated upon before posting. Sometimes when I had written something and about to post it but a similar report appears in the newspaper first, I will delete it and not post it.

For instance I wanted to write about e-book reader, how a number of years back (not recently) I saw one lady having one and she looked so cool that I had coveted one, about how expensive it is and there are other better and cheaper alternatives coming up soon from Plastic Logic and Asus. But all these have appeared in our newspapers recently, except no one has mentioned anything yet about Asus coming up with a colour dual-panel e-book, which is supposed to be cheaper than the Kindle.

But that is journalism and not blogging.

I remembered one MP said that if he needs to think before writing anything on his blog, it wouldn’t be blogging and it would be too tedious to do so. Whilst I agree with him, I cannot bring myself to do that. And because of this, it took me some time to decide on the direction my Blog should go. (Under normal circumstances I would need to find out the name of this MP before posting even though the actual name is immaterial.)

This IS supposed to be MY cyber scrapebook, where I scribbler down notes of interest to MYSELF, and a lesser extent to others. I started this Blog with this concept and direction and thus I must remember this from now onwards.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Lost Generation by Jonathan Reed

Contestants were asked to create 2-minute video describing their vision of the future; what life would be like by the time they turned 50. This piece by Jonathan Reed from Georgia State University in Atlanta, Georgia won second prize in the AARP's U@50 video contest.

AARP is a "nonprofit, nonpartisan membership organization that helps people 50+ have independence, choice and control in ways that are beneficial and affordable to them and society as a whole."



I am part of the Lost Generation
and I refuse to believe that
I can change the world
I realise this may be a shock but
“Happiness comes from within”
is a lie, and
“Money will make me happy”
So in 30 years I will tell my children
they are not the most important thing in my life.
My employer will know that
I have my priorities straight because
work
is more important than
family
I tell you this
Once upon a time
Families stayed together
but this will not be true in my era
this is a quick fix society
Experts tell me
30 years from now I will be celebrating the 10th anniversary of my divorce
I do not concede that
I will live in a country of my own making
In the future
Environmental destruction will be the norm.
No longer can it be said that
My peers and I care about this earth
It will be evident that
My generation is apathetic and lethargic
It is foolish to presume that
There is hope.

And all of this will come true unless we choose to REVERSE it.

There is hope.
It is foolish to presume that
My generation is apathetic and lethargic
It will be evident that
My peers and I care about this earth
No longer can it be said that
Environmental destruction will be the norm.
In the future
I will live in a country of my own making
I do not concede that
30 years from now I will be celebrating the 10th anniversary of my divorce
Experts tell me
this is a quick fix society
but this will not be true in my era
Families stayed together
Once upon a time
I tell you this
family
is more important than
work
I have my priorities straight because
My employer will know that
they are not the most important thing in my life.
So in 30 years I will tell my children
“Money will make me happy”
is a lie, and
“Happiness comes from within”
I realise this may be a shock but
I can change the world
And I refuse to believe that
I am part of the Lost Generation.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Empire State Restaurant @ Iluma – An Update

Had lunch there on Wednesday, 30 Sep 09 at 12.45 pm.

There were more people dinning there compared to two moths’ ago when I was last there. (Please read my previous post on this Restaurant here.)

I had the Baked Salmon again and it was just as good as before. But the portion of salmon and mashed potato were about 10% less than previously. However this time round they throw in a free soup and I had the Mushroom Soup which was thick and filled with plenty of mushroom, which I enjoyed.

As the portion was quite large previously, reducing the portion and substituting it with a free soup is an excellent move, which will benefit both the diner and the restaurant.

Ice3 Café @ Upper Thomson Road

Was at the Ice Cube Cafe outlet at Upper Thomson Road on Sunday, 27 Sep 09 at around 4 pm with my mum, my cousin, my cousin’s husband, and their two children.

Besides us, there was a party of five persons there but left as we placed our oder. There was only two staff present though we could tell from the staff cards that they have more than ten staff. Apparently most people come late in the night since the Café is opened till 1 am to 2 am.

A picture of the interior of the Cafe.

For ice cream we had Chocolate Maximum (3 scopes of Mocha and Chocolate flavours - $12.90) and Very Berry Strawberry ($9.90) – both are good.

We also ordered Alcoholics Anonymous (which is a rum raisin ice cream on an Oreo crust). We could tell by the taste that the raisins were well soaked in rum. It was good too.

For finger food, we had the Seafood Platter (softshell crab, calamari rings, fish bites and prawn dippers served with tartar sauce - $14.90) and Cheesy Fries (crispy fries drenched in melted nacho cheese - $6.50).

The children had the Mango and Chocolate Smoothies ($5.50 each), which they seemed to enjoy.

A sign, which could be debatable, outside the Cafe.

Our order did take a long time to be served but the staff were very friendly and accommodating. They allowed the children to see how they prepare the smoothies and finger food. The children also kind of played hide and seek with the staff.

Initially we had wanted Onion Rings too but didn’t order that after agreeing to the staff recommendation of the Seafood Platter. However, the staff was kind enough to throw in three Onion Rings for the children.

Basically it was a good experience. A nice place to go if you like your mud pies and ice cream laced with alcoholics or if you happen to be around that area.

For my experience with their online order, please read previous post here.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Merger of Facebook, Twitter and Youtube

Heard on the 61st Annual Primetime Emmy Awards this morning:

YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook will merge into

one super-time-wasting website called

You Twit Face


It's just a joke.

Ludicrous Noise

When someone says something stupid or nonsensical, people in Hong Kong will most likely respond sarcastically with “You SAID something!?” I remembered watching a Hong Kong serial drama in which Carina Lau was arguing with another guy. The guy went “You SAID something!?” and she went “You MADE a noise!?” (你发音啊!?) Yes, what was uttered that was so ludicrous cannot be considered as words but just plain noise. And you do not respond to noise; you block it out.

Why bother responding to that woman over in Malaysia who is supposed to be promoting tourism? It is just noise.

My first reaction to her remarks was not to retaliate but simply shake my head. When you thought there shouldn’t be any more flabbergasting remark from government officials in our neighbouring countries that would surpass the “current” remark, someone just shoot off his/her mouth again.

What I like to do from now is to compile a list of such noises from our neighbours. I have already got two in my previous post. Please help me by sending any you come across to me.

Yeah, as I have said, we got to make some noise too.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

ICE3 Café

That’s Ice Cube Café with two outlets in Serangoon Garden and Upper Thomson. I have not been to either outlet. I think the main reason is because they are only opened for business from 4 pm onwards till 1 am. On Sundays and Public Holidays they are opened from 2 pm.

On an ordinary day, my usual eating habits do not call for desserts during those hours. And this is also the reason why I have yet to dine at 2am:dessertbar at Holland Village and The Cheesecake Café at Siglap because they are also opened for business from 4 pm onwards; though I have ordered cakes from them for take-out before.

So the next best thing was to order online for delivery. There are 21 flavours of ice cream on the online menu which is different from the in-store menu. I ordered Apple Cinnamon, Soursop Sorbet, Mango Tango and Mocha. They come in 473 ml pint and cost $12 each. Delivery charge of $18 applies if your order is below $40; free if it is above $40.

The ice cream were delivered in a small styrofoam box with plenty of dried ice in it and tied with a ribbon. That was a nice touch.


I had ice cream delivered from Ice Cream Chef and Awfully Chocolate and none of them packed the ice cream in a styrofoam box with dried ice. If I wanted a styrofoam box from Ice Cream Chef, I would have to pay $10 for it, though it was a huge size one which seemed only appropriate if you are ordering for hundreds of people.

I had actually wanted to comment on the ice cream sometime back but didn’t do so because I don’t seem to be able to come up with words to describe the taste as I neither like nor dislike them. The taste is just “unique “, for want of a better word.

The Apple Cinnamon tasted strange at first because I could not taste the apple. I think it is because they use red apples. I would think green apples would be a better choice. My cousin thinks that it was because they didn’t cook the apples. Another reason could be too much cinnamon was used though I didn’t feel it was overpowering.

The Soursop Sorbet tasted like the ice shavings that comes with the soursop jelly from those desserts shops in food court.

The Mango Tango tasted good on first try. It was smooth and you can taste the mango. However with each subsequent taste the mango flavour wasn’t that strong and I suspect no real fruit was used.

Mocha was the only flavour my mum and I liked mainly because it has always been a flavour we enjoy in chocolates or ice cream. But it wasn’t super duper good.

The in-store menu looked interesting and promising. I believe the in-store ice cream will taste better especially since they are mainly chocolate and strawberry which I like. Well, will one day try to actually go to the Café and find out.

Friday, September 18, 2009

The 50 Best Things to Eat in the World, and Where to Eat Them

The Observer UK solicited the help of several well-known people in London and a couple from New York to come up with a list of the 50 best things to eat in the world, and where to eat them.

Here are some of the selections which I am interested in:

Best place to eat Hamburgers – Little Owl, a small Greenwich Village bistro in New York
Best place to eat Macaroons – Laduree in Paris
Best place to eat Strawberry Tart - Restaurant de Bacon, Antibes, France
Best place to eat Peking Duck - Quanjude, Beijing
Best place to eat Sushi - Daiwa Sushi, Tokyo
Best place to eat Ice Cream - Corrado Costanzo, Noto, Sicily
Best place to eat Chocolate Cake - Pierre Herme, Paris
Best place to eat Dim Sum - Luk Yu Tea House, Hong Kong
Best place to eat Ramen - Ramen Jiro, Tokyo; especially the branch near Keio University

The article, which was published on Sunday, 13 Sep 09, has since drew many comments challenging the selections. You have to read those comments as well.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

ICE – In Case of Emergency

On Tuesday, 15 Sep 09, at 12.05 pm, the “Important Message” Signal went off islandwide. Part of the Important Message was an advice to enter the contact details of the person whom you like to be contacted in case of emergency, under the heading ICE in your mobile phone.

This initiative and practice, which started in UK in 2004 and had since been adopted by many countries, are now being encouraged in Singapore.

Well, while this may be a very good idea, retrieving the ICE details might not be easy given the many brands and models of mobile phones. Furthermore, the phones might be locked. Perhaps mobile phone manufacturers can work out a common standard to store and make retrieval of ICE details easy and quick.

In times of emergency, most probably accidents, the mobile phone is very likely to be “separated” from the victim unless he carries it in his pocket. Even then, the phone could be damaged during the course of the accident.

What needs to be done is also to encourage the carrying of an ICE Card in one’s wallet or purse as some countries have also done. The ICE Card, besides providing the contact details of your next of kin or friends in case of emergency, can also includes the victim’s own details such name, address, blood type, allergies, whether he/she is an organ donor, the preferred hospital to be sent to, and any important information.

Yes, do enter your ICE details in your mobile phone. If you have more than one preferred contact, you are to enter them as ICE1, ICE2, ICE3, and so on.

Until we have a standard ICE Card, either issued by MOH or SCDF, make your own and put it in your wallet or purse as well.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Haze Problems – Time To Make Some Noise

I could smell the acrid burning smoke in the air last night. I thought it was because of the 7th Month burning offerings. I took a look outside but didn’t see much burning. I didn’t give much thought to that then. It was only this morning that I realised, from reading the Straits Times, that last night bad smell was due to the haze.

Will the haze ever go away or at least not reach Singapore? Not if we have people like Indonesian Forestry Minister, Mr M S Kaban, “handling” the problem.

Last month Kaban said the Indonesian government would only take firm action against those setting fires if flights were disrupted and protests erupted in neighbouring nations. He added that the haze problem was a “domestic affair” and “Why should we care about domestic affairs? Our international image is what's important.” When asked about his comments, he added, “Why are we ourselves making the noise? Even they (Singapore, Malaysia, other neighbours) are keeping quiet.”

Should we march to the Indonesian Embassy and burn their flag before it is considered as we are no longer “keeping quiet”? Come to think of it, if it is Singapore that is causing the haze, I am sure that’s what they will do. Not only that, probably they will also threaten to cut off our supplies or demand compensation.

During the 2006 haze situation, which according to economists Singapore suffered USD50,000,000 in economic loss, the same Mr M S Kaban said, “Our forests produce oxygen which makes the air cool for them (regional neighbours), but they have never been grateful."

After more than 10 years since our official “protest” letter in 1997, it is obvious that they are not treating this as a priority and they are incapable of or want to solve “their domestic affair.”

When Singapore tried to get help from the international community by raising this issue at the UN in 2006, Indonesia was extremely not pleased, to say the least.

Singapore will be “burning” SGD1,000,000 this year to help our “very grateful” neighbour in combating the haze problems.

Perhaps it is time for Indonesia’s neighbours (including Thailand and Philippines) to explore bringing this issue to the International Court of Justice.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Financial Year-End Audit

Work-related posts are password-protected. Email for the password.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

New Katong Beef Noodles @ East Coast Road

You don’t see any notice saying that this shop will permanently close for business this Sunday, 13 Sep 09. The owner told me that there is no point in putting up a notice. Nonetheless, regular customers were told by word of mouth so that they won’t go there after 13 Sep 09 and be disappointed.

There is nothing wrong with the quality of the food. In fact it has been recommended by many foodies. And it is now pointless for me to tell you what are on the menu.

I was told that they are only busy during lunch time on weekends. That stretch of the road is “practically dead after 9 pm” even on weekends.

I offered another reason – lack of parking lots.

The shop has been taken over by some China nationals and when it reopens in mid-October, it will offer some kind of steamboat.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Diana Frances Spencer (1 July 1961 – 31 August 1997)

Diana, Princess of Wales

An
English princess
with
an
Egyptian boyfriend
crashes
in a French
tunnel,
driving
a
German
car
with a
Dutch engine,
driven
by a Belgian
who was drunk
on
Scottish whisky,
followed
closely by
Italian
Paparazzi,
on
Japanese motorcycles;
treated
by an American doctor,
using
Brazilian medicines.

This is
sent to you by
someone
using
Bill Gates's technology,
and
you're probably reading
this on your computer,
that
uses Taiwanese
chips,
and a
Korean monitor,
assembled by Malaysian
workers
in a
Singapore plant.

The above is just part of a mass email that was circulating around that Diana’s death truly defines what globlisation is about.

I learned about Diana's death when I was at the waiting lounge in Bangkok on 31 August 1997 after checking in for my returned flight. Everyone was solemn with eyes focused on the projection screen. It was there and then that I learned that the car crash happened at 12.23 am. Diana arrived at the hospital at 2.06 am and was pronounced dead at 4.00 am.

Lord John Stevens conducted a three-year investigation into Diana’s and Dodi Al Fayed’s death and published an 832-page report on 14 December 2006 which basically concluded that there was no evidence of conspiracy and that it was merely a tragic accident.

There are people who questioned the depth and hence the reliability of the inquiry, especially Mohamed Al Fayed, owner of Harrods and father of Dodi Fayed.

Perhaps we will never know.

The full 832-page Operation Paget Report (3.9MB) can be downloaded here.

A 9-page Overview of the Report (83KB) can be downloaded here.

Shortest Essay

An university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing the following four elements:

1) Religion
2) Royalty
3) Sex
4) Mystery

The prizewinner wrote:

"My God," said the queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Taxis in Singapore and Other Cities

Well I don’t see dead people but I see many colourful taxis. I think it is safe to say that no other cities in the world have such an array of colourful taxis other than Singapore.

We have the old yellow top black body (Yellow-Top Taxi), yellow (CityCab), red (TransCab), light green (SMART Cab), light blue (from Comfort Taxi), dark blue (Prime Taxi), silver (Premier Taxis), copper (Prime Taxi) and white (SMRT Taxi & SMART Cab). Adding to the colourful arrays is when some of the taxis are painted with advertisements on their bodies.

Not only are they of different colours, they are also of different made. For examples, yellow CityCab taxis can be Nissan Cedric, Toyota Crown or Hyundai Sonata. They also come in different sizes, according to their made and the number of seats, from the usual 4-seater to 8-seater. It is estimated that Singapore has 23,000 taxis of 29 different types.

Once upon a time, you can easily identify a taxi by just the shape and colour of the vehicle. Now it is better to just look out for the taxi top lights. If there is one on top of an approaching vehicle then it is a taxi. Of course, if the light is blue then it means that taxi is vacant and available for hire. If it is red, it means it is not available for hire, which is the opposite of what it is in Tokyo. In Tokyo, red light means available, yellow light means not available and green light means available but the night time surcharge (20% on top of the metered fare from 10.00 pm to 5.00 am) is in operation.

Besides being colourful, I think the fare structure must also be one of the most complicated. There are simply too many different charges – peak hour charges, midnight charges, location charges, public holiday charges – and they varies according to the time and day of the week too.

I don’t want to comment on the various charges except the CBD (Central Business District) Surcharge and the Current Booking Fees (the charges when you call for an immediate taxi).

Trips originating from the Central Business District Area incur a CBD Surcharge of $3.00 from 5.00 pm to midnight on Mondays to Saturdays. I think to levy this on Saturdays is totally not justified.

During the weekday peak hours, which last from 7.00 am to 9.30 am and 5.00 pm to 8.00 pm Mondays to Fridays, one has to pay an additional 35% on top of the metered fare. Calling for a taxi during these peak hours costs $3.50 instead of the usual, non peak hour’s rate of $2.50. However the booking fee of $3.50 applies till 11.00 pm, and not 8.00 pm, on weekdays. This is something which I don’t understand and don’t think it is fair that the higher charge applies till 11.00 pm.

I remembered distinctively that calling for an immediate taxi in Honolulu was free of charge. In Hong Kong, there was even a 10% discount on the metered fare!

Taking taxis in Penang and Kuala Lumpur was a bit off-putting as you need to know whether the driver would use the meter, as required by law, or he didn’t intend to and charged you a higher fare.

I remembered an incident when I wanted to go to Klang from Kuala Lumpur. I didn’t know that certain taxis were only allowed to operate within certain locations. The taxi that I took was not allowed to drive to or into Klang. But the driver said nothing till he came across a traffic policeman. It was then that he was a bit worried and told me that the truth and that he could be fined. My immediate thoughts then were, one, I would not be responsible for the fine, and more importantly, I would not want to go to any police station to file any statement and delayed my journey as I was expected at Klang at a certain time. Eventually, the driver paid off the traffic policeman to let him go. I reached Klang without much delay and was half hearted as to whether to pay the unfortunate, though it was his own doing, driver something extra.

There were some drivers in Bangkok who also wanted not to charge according to the metered fare but they were generally less aggressive than their Malaysian counterparts. There were occasions when they took more passengers than what was legally allowed.

In Sydney and New York, there were slight language problems with those non-native cab drivers.

I think if Singapore allows people from China to drive taxis, tourists as well as locals will also have language problems. As it is now, I have witnessed several cases where bus drivers from China were not able to respond to queries in English.

The best taxi services I had experienced so far are in Tokyo and Osaka. The taxis are clean, very comfortable, fully automated doors, and operated by neat, professional looking and polite drivers who wear white gloves. Well I suppose one should expect such standards since it is not cheap to travel by taxi in these cities.

Flag-down charge is JPY710 (used to be JPY660) or SGD10.65, base on exchange rate of SGD1.50 to JPY100. But this is for the first 2 km. Compared to Singapore’s flag-down charge of $2.80 or $3.00, depending on which taxi you hailed, for the first 1 km. At SGD0.20 for every 385 metres, a 2 km ride will cost SGD3.40 to SGD3.60 just based on distance.

Every 288 metres will cause the meter to go up by JPY90 (SGD1.35) compared to Singapore’s SGD0.20 for every 385 metres for journey below 10 km and SGD0.20 for every 330 metres above 10 km.

Stalled traffic in Singapore will cost SGD0.20 for every 45 seconds, compared to Tokyo’s JPY90 for every 105 seconds of waiting time. That’s roughly SGD0.60 for every 45 seconds of waiting time in Tokyo.

In Singapore, the Midnight Surcharge, between the hours of 12 midnight till 5.59 am, is 50% of the metered fare. In Tokyo, it is 20% of the metered fare between the hours of 10.00 pm till 5.00 am (used to be 30% from 11.00 pm to 5.00 am).

Third Person Who Has The Same Birthday As Me

Just found out that one of the founders of an email list which I subscribed to has the same birthday as me though he was born in 1943. He even has the same first name as me. Had been “chatting” with him for the past one year. Indeed a very pleasant surprise.

Friday, August 28, 2009

My Birthday

On my birthday I usually think of two persons and wonder where they are, what they are doing or how they have been. These two persons have the same birthday as me, though different year.

The first one is a guy, one year my junior, whom I met during my NS days. We were posted to the same camp. I worked for S2 and he for S3. We celebrated our birthdays three times together before he went to London for further studies. We kept in touch for several years through correspondence and the last I know of him was he was appointed as a lecturer in one of our polytechnics.

The other person was actually his neighbour, a girl who was five years younger than him. He introduced her to me and I met her only twice.

I have yet to meet or know of any one who was born on the same day as me. Wouldn’t it be some kind of cosmic timing if that person was lying next to me in KK Hospital on that day!

I usually don’t work, take leave and travel during my birthday. As far as I can remember there were only two occasions when I failed to do so. Once I was on guard duty (during my NS days) and the other was when there was an important company event which I had to take care of and attend.

This coming birthday is kind of significant to me. That’s’ because I will be half a century old. I suppose this maybe a mark or a turning point of sort, as of late I had been thinking and reflecting on many things, which might explain some of my posts. However, what don’t really sync is that I don’t feel that old. Well I supposed I looked physically or biologically my age, but certainly my mental age is much much less (RTFLOL). That’s good isn’t? Still young at heart. Well, as the saying goes, the only difference between a boy and a man is the price of his toys.

I was born in the 7th month of the lunar calendar. It is said that those born during this period are supposed to be intelligent and can see dead people. I think I am intelligent enough. After all I passed my examinations not because I studied hard. I hope I don’t ever have to say to anyone, “I see dead people” or point to an empty space and utter, “Dead man walking.”

Three weeks back, surveillance cameras were installed in our lifts together with a monitor above the lift on the ground floor that allows people to see what’s going on inside the lifts. The monitor however switched from showing images from inside the lift you are waiting for and those from the other lift at the other end of the block. So if you have people inside only one of the lifts, you get images that at one moment shows there are people and the next without. Hey, where did they go? Were the humans? Oh, there they are again. Anyway, I digressed.

These well-known people have the same birthday as me, though different year:

Leo Tolstoy (1828)
Wayne Osmond (1951)
Shania Twain (1965) and
So Yi Hyeon (1984).

From the above you should be able to tell and end the speculation about day I was born in.

As to how I will spend my birthday this year, well I don’t have concrete plans. I am on leave till Tuesday and had actually thought of spending the weekend in a hotel since I got special discounts but decided not to waste the money; might as well spend it on more chocolates. Might do some shopping as I have not shop for anything, other than chocolates and ice cream, for almost a year! Need some new clothes and socks. As I am a lazy person who doesn’t like to go out just to buy something (if I do, I need to do so first thing in the morning when the shops open for business), I might end up just staying at home reading, watching tv or simply just lazing around relaxing. After all I had already stock up on ice cream, sorbets, chocolates and titbits for this whole week!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Internet Addiction

You know you have internet addiction when…

1. You wake up at 4 o'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.

2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access.

4. You laugh at people with 56.6 modems.

5. You think a person's social status is directly linked to the speed of their modem. (It's not?)

6. You buy your mother-in-law a modem so you can flame her.

7. You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail.

8. You laugh hysterically every time you see your mailman.

9. You don't understand why God doesn't have an email address.

10. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com

11. You put your web site URL on all your Christmas cards.

12. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a computer.

13. When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really depressed.

14. You are anxiously waiting for Solitaire to become an Olympic sport.

15. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.

16. You refer to your house as your homepage.

17. You move into a new house and you decide to netscape before you landscape.

18. In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say, "LOL, LOL."

19. Your family always knows where you are.

20. Your kids complain about the phone bill you're racking up.

21. Your sex life consists of a lot of downloading.

22. You rename your dog "Fido" and ask him to do more than fetch the paper.

23. You spend half a plane trip with your laptop in your lap and your child in the overhead compartment.

24. You refer going to the bathroom as downloading.

25. You start tilting your head sidewyas to smile. :)

26. You have called out someone's screen name while making love to your significant other.

27. Your spouse now complains of you moving your fingers in your sleep instead of talking.

28. When looking at signs, you wonder why they are always "yelling" at you.

29. You get a tattoo that reads, "This body best viewed with Internet Explorer 5.0 or higher."

30. Immediately after reading this list, you email the URL to someone! (please do)

Well if you suspect yourself or someone who might be addicted, you can do some self-tests at the Center for Internet Addiction Recovery website.