Singapore English

The English did invent the English Language, but they cannot use it as effectively when communicating their intentions compared to Singaporeans. Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to-the-point and effective.

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you."

Singaporeans: "No stock!"

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: "Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone call for me a few moments ago?"

Singaporeans: "Hello, who call huh?"

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
Britons: "Excuse me, I would like to get by. Would you please make way?"

Singaporeans: "S-kew me..."

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: "Hey! Put your wallet away, this drink is on me."

Singaporeans: "No need lah."

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: "Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?"

Singaporeans: (pointing at the door) "Can or not?"

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: "Please make yourself right at home."

Singaporeans: "No need shy one lah!"

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: "I don't recall you giving me the money."

Singaporeans: "Where got?"

WHEN DECIDING ON A PLAN OF ACTION
Britons: "What do you propose we do now that the movie's sold out and all the restaurants are closed?"

Singaporeans: "So how?"

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: "I would prefer not to do that, if you don't mind."

Singaporeans: "Don't want lah."

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: "Err...Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue."

Singaporeans: "You mad ah?"

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE
Britons: "Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice? I'm trying to concentrate over here."

Singaporeans: "Shaddap lah!"

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU
Britons: "Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for sometime. Do I know you?"

Singaporeans: "See what, see what?"

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION
Britons: "We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment."

Singaporeans: "Die lah!!"

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: "Will someone tell me what has just happened?"

Singaporeans: "What happened ah? Why like that one lah?"

WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: "This isn't the way to do it. Here, let me show you."

Singaporeans: "Like that also don't know how to do!"