Notes to My Mother (a dementia patient) by Gan See Siong

"Now I find you where I left you" - Diane Ackerman

1

Each visit I find you where I left you
We haven't moved
Yet I am winded from the battle
You do not wish to
We do not wish you to
Do not wish to
Really do
Beside you
I think I heard a hurricane beating behind closed doors
I felt my bruises the entire length of each stay
Your speech, manner and mien
Where are they?

2

I have no key to your door;
I tread the fragile catwalk between your lucidity and hallucination.
It's hard to notice when the door is ajar
When it's only a few heartbeats wide
I hold you as you listen and speak
Fully present, yet wholly mind-roaming.
Tomorrow we will speak again
I will find you where I left you.

3

If words anchor thought
I will gather enough of them
To build a mind bridge towards you
Wishing it will span the angry swirls
Of water churning beneath.
But like Hope's slippery pontoon, my words fall apart
Leaving me in a wet and remembered now.



See Siong wrote this poem in August 2009. This poem was published in the latest issue (Vol. 8 No. 4 Oct 2009) of the Quarterly Literary Review Singapore, the lnternet literary journal of Singapore.

As See Siong is a friend of mine, this poem is more poignant to all of us who are aware of his mother’s condition.

His other poem in the QLRS, Words, can be found here.

may i feel said he by e e cummings

Was watching The Weakest Link this evening and one of the questions was what was the unique style of e e cummings' poems. And immediately I remember this brilliant piece which I want to share with you.

Well, if you read more of Edward Estlin Cummings’ (1894-1962) works, you will notice that he doesn't used capital letters, appropriate punctuation and syntax.

may i feel said he
(i'll squeal said she
just once said he)
it's fun said she

(may i touch said he
how much said she
a lot said he)
why not said she

(let's go said he
not too far said she
what's too far said he
where you are said she)

may i stay said he
(which way said she
like this said he
if you kiss said she

may i move said he
is it love said she)
if you're willing said he
(but you're killing said she

but it's life said he
but your wife said she
now said he)
ow said she

(tiptop said he
don't stop said she
oh no said he)
go slow said she

(cccome?said he
ummm said she)
you're divine!said he
(you are Mine said she)

This was the first piece of his works that I came across. At that time I thought the author’s surname was a joke; that someone just playfully conjured to go along with this erotic (in a beautiful and wholesome way) piece, until I read more of his works and knew that indeed there was this American poet, playwright and author.

Lost Generation by Jonathan Reed

Contestants were asked to create 2-minute video describing their vision of the future; what life would be like by the time they turned 50. This piece by Jonathan Reed from Georgia State University in Atlanta, Georgia won second prize in the AARP's U@50 video contest.

AARP is a "nonprofit, nonpartisan membership organization that helps people 50+ have independence, choice and control in ways that are beneficial and affordable to them and society as a whole."



I am part of the Lost Generation
and I refuse to believe that
I can change the world
I realise this may be a shock but
“Happiness comes from within”
is a lie, and
“Money will make me happy”
So in 30 years I will tell my children
they are not the most important thing in my life.
My employer will know that
I have my priorities straight because
work
is more important than
family
I tell you this
Once upon a time
Families stayed together
but this will not be true in my era
this is a quick fix society
Experts tell me
30 years from now I will be celebrating the 10th anniversary of my divorce
I do not concede that
I will live in a country of my own making
In the future
Environmental destruction will be the norm.
No longer can it be said that
My peers and I care about this earth
It will be evident that
My generation is apathetic and lethargic
It is foolish to presume that
There is hope.

And all of this will come true unless we choose to REVERSE it.

There is hope.
It is foolish to presume that
My generation is apathetic and lethargic
It will be evident that
My peers and I care about this earth
No longer can it be said that
Environmental destruction will be the norm.
In the future
I will live in a country of my own making
I do not concede that
30 years from now I will be celebrating the 10th anniversary of my divorce
Experts tell me
this is a quick fix society
but this will not be true in my era
Families stayed together
Once upon a time
I tell you this
family
is more important than
work
I have my priorities straight because
My employer will know that
they are not the most important thing in my life.
So in 30 years I will tell my children
“Money will make me happy”
is a lie, and
“Happiness comes from within”
I realise this may be a shock but
I can change the world
And I refuse to believe that
I am part of the Lost Generation.

Stop All The Clocks (Funeral Blues)

by W H Auden (1907-1973)

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West.
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

The above poem was written in 1936. It became more widely known after it was recited in the 1994 movie, Four Weddings & A Funeral. If you have not watched this movie you should try to rent it and watch. I believe this is the only movie which the first line of dialogue begins with “F**K! F**K!” When it was screened in Singapore then, the audience could not hear those two words!