The Last Three Months…

Time really flies. Three months have passed since I last posted anything. Had wanted to post but just didn’t get to actually doing it.

Yes had been very busy with work – budget preparation, policy reviews, meetings, reports.

My mum had her right cataract removed. I had to accompany her for post-op appointments on top of my own medical tests and appointments.

My cousin and her family came back from Honolulu so had the customary meals with them and spent some days playing with her children.

The two children of another cousin spent four days or so of their school holidays with me over two weeks.

There were the lunches and dinners which I had to attend.

And there were many movies, serial dramas and new seasons of television shows to watch!

Meeting Old Friends

On 30 December 2006, I met up with my ex-classmates, their spouses and children. That particular gathering was kind of a big thing to us: it was our 30th Anniversary of knowing one another. Everyone was making it a point to be present.

I have missed a number of gatherings and was looking forward to it. As such when a number of them couldn’t turn up I was very disappointed.

Three years later, on 23 January 2010, we met again. A couple of them whom I have not met the last time and for a very long time was present. It was one of the unforgettable highlights of that evening.

There were many thoughts and feelings of course when you meet up with old friends who had and have been, and hopefully continue to be, part of my life. And one of the binding elements in our group must surely be those six women. I felt the strength that these six women have and I immediately remember something I received through an email which is befitting of them, which I will reproduce in the next post.

We all have certainly aged. We all have certainly been wiser. Is there anything I would have changed in my life if I had the foresight of today? I can’t think of any now but one thing I certainly would not want to change is the journey I went through with these old friends.

Why Blog? How Blog?

I have not posted anything for nearly four weeks now though there were so many things on my mind that I wanted to share.

This is what I was afraid of and one of the reasons why I didn’t started blogging earlier. It has to do with my character – in everything I do, that has a direct reflection of me, it has to be done to the best of my effort. So, as far as this Blog is concerned, it has to be written in a clear and concise way and all facts must be verified and elaborated upon before posting. Sometimes when I had written something and about to post it but a similar report appears in the newspaper first, I will delete it and not post it.

For instance I wanted to write about e-book reader, how a number of years back (not recently) I saw one lady having one and she looked so cool that I had coveted one, about how expensive it is and there are other better and cheaper alternatives coming up soon from Plastic Logic and Asus. But all these have appeared in our newspapers recently, except no one has mentioned anything yet about Asus coming up with a colour dual-panel e-book, which is supposed to be cheaper than the Kindle.

But that is journalism and not blogging.

I remembered one MP said that if he needs to think before writing anything on his blog, it wouldn’t be blogging and it would be too tedious to do so. Whilst I agree with him, I cannot bring myself to do that. And because of this, it took me some time to decide on the direction my Blog should go. (Under normal circumstances I would need to find out the name of this MP before posting even though the actual name is immaterial.)

This IS supposed to be MY cyber scrapebook, where I scribbler down notes of interest to MYSELF, and a lesser extent to others. I started this Blog with this concept and direction and thus I must remember this from now onwards.

Third Person Who Has The Same Birthday As Me

Just found out that one of the founders of an email list which I subscribed to has the same birthday as me though he was born in 1943. He even has the same first name as me. Had been “chatting” with him for the past one year. Indeed a very pleasant surprise.

My Birthday

On my birthday I usually think of two persons and wonder where they are, what they are doing or how they have been. These two persons have the same birthday as me, though different year.

The first one is a guy, one year my junior, whom I met during my NS days. We were posted to the same camp. I worked for S2 and he for S3. We celebrated our birthdays three times together before he went to London for further studies. We kept in touch for several years through correspondence and the last I know of him was he was appointed as a lecturer in one of our polytechnics.

The other person was actually his neighbour, a girl who was five years younger than him. He introduced her to me and I met her only twice.

I have yet to meet or know of any one who was born on the same day as me. Wouldn’t it be some kind of cosmic timing if that person was lying next to me in KK Hospital on that day!

I usually don’t work, take leave and travel during my birthday. As far as I can remember there were only two occasions when I failed to do so. Once I was on guard duty (during my NS days) and the other was when there was an important company event which I had to take care of and attend.

This coming birthday is kind of significant to me. That’s’ because I will be half a century old. I suppose this maybe a mark or a turning point of sort, as of late I had been thinking and reflecting on many things, which might explain some of my posts. However, what don’t really sync is that I don’t feel that old. Well I supposed I looked physically or biologically my age, but certainly my mental age is much much less (RTFLOL). That’s good isn’t? Still young at heart. Well, as the saying goes, the only difference between a boy and a man is the price of his toys.

I was born in the 7th month of the lunar calendar. It is said that those born during this period are supposed to be intelligent and can see dead people. I think I am intelligent enough. After all I passed my examinations not because I studied hard. I hope I don’t ever have to say to anyone, “I see dead people” or point to an empty space and utter, “Dead man walking.”

Three weeks back, surveillance cameras were installed in our lifts together with a monitor above the lift on the ground floor that allows people to see what’s going on inside the lifts. The monitor however switched from showing images from inside the lift you are waiting for and those from the other lift at the other end of the block. So if you have people inside only one of the lifts, you get images that at one moment shows there are people and the next without. Hey, where did they go? Were the humans? Oh, there they are again. Anyway, I digressed.

These well-known people have the same birthday as me, though different year:

Leo Tolstoy (1828)
Wayne Osmond (1951)
Shania Twain (1965) and
So Yi Hyeon (1984).

From the above you should be able to tell and end the speculation about day I was born in.

As to how I will spend my birthday this year, well I don’t have concrete plans. I am on leave till Tuesday and had actually thought of spending the weekend in a hotel since I got special discounts but decided not to waste the money; might as well spend it on more chocolates. Might do some shopping as I have not shop for anything, other than chocolates and ice cream, for almost a year! Need some new clothes and socks. As I am a lazy person who doesn’t like to go out just to buy something (if I do, I need to do so first thing in the morning when the shops open for business), I might end up just staying at home reading, watching tv or simply just lazing around relaxing. After all I had already stock up on ice cream, sorbets, chocolates and titbits for this whole week!

Flag Day

Sometimes I wonder whether people donate because they really wanted to or just “purchase” a sticker to avoid getting “harassed” again.

I don’t usually donate on flag days. I just smile and politely indicate “no”. It is my money and I won’t donate just to get others off my back. I have no problem indicating to many of them along the way that I don’t intend to donate especially if it is to some organisation which I have not heard of or I do not support. Even if I donate, I don’t take the sticker and definitely will not paste it on my shirt. I might paste it on a plastic bag if I was carrying one.

Sometimes I also wonder whether those people who are out collecting volunteered or were “assigned” to do so. Most of them just stand there looking very bored. If you walk near enough to them, they might trust the tin can towards you; otherwise they are not going to approach you. Many student volunteers just walk around. Were they expecting people to go towards them and donate? Perhaps to be fair to them I think they might be “afraid” to approach people. I guess nobody briefed them on how to collect effectively.

It was NUS Flag Day yesterday and I was approached outside Novena Square at around 9.00 am by one of the undergrads who smiled sincerely. I smiled back and indicated no. I went inside the shop and ordered my breakfast and while eating observed that the two undergrads approached passersby immediately upon seeing them. And they did that each time with the same enthusiasm.

When I came out of the shop, the other undergrad approached me and asked whether I might have some spare change to donate. Seeing how hard they had worked, I chose a dollar-coin and dropped it into the tin can, knowing that the money would go towards 20 charities. I took the sticker and pasted it on the plastic bag which I was carrying. I proceeded to buy some stuff and when I passed that way again, another undergrad approached me. I showed her the sticker and she smiled and said, “Thank you. Have a nice day.” I thought that was nice.

I think from now onwards, if I do donate at flag days, I will try to display the sticker more prominently (no, still not going to paste on my shirt) not so much that I would not be asked to donate again but to save someone from wasting his/her effort and time to ask me.

I think I might approach a volunteer collector on my own accord and surprise him/her with a donation without been asked. Perhaps this might make his/her day and if he/she had volunteered and worked hard, it would probably make his/her effort worthwhile too. This doesn’t cost much to do. It could just be 10 cents.

I am glad I don’t have to take the MRT to work

I was on course for two days and the training centre was in town. The course was from 9.00 am to 6.00 pm. As there was no direct bus there, I had to take a feeder bus service from my home to the MRT Station and then take the MRT there. Oh my, Singapore’s population IS increasing. The buses and the trains were packed with people. Many couldn’t even get on board and had to wait for the next one. And during peak hours, there were so much traffic.

Though the journey wasn’t that long, I arrived at my destination drained and stressful. Going home was no different. I reached home exhausted, not by the training, but by the journey. I think it is also because I basically just don’t like crowds. I don’t go to sales events. Nope, I have not shop for anything, except chocolates and ice creams, during the Great Singapore Sale. I hate queuing up to pay. If I need to buy something, I will usually go first thing in the morning when the shops just opened for business.

I am very glad that I don’t have to take the MRT to work and I never had. Even in my previous jobs in Shenton Way and Orchard Road, I was fortunate that there were premium or private bus services that originate from my home to these places. These services usually just go around a certain estate or location and then head straight, non-stopped via expressways, to the destination. The marginally higher transport cost was definitely worth every cent as you are usually guaranteed a comfortable seat and arrived or reached home still fresh!

I hope I will never ever have to take the MRT to work.

Errr… I still have to go back there in September for another two days.

Death

Death: one of two things that is certain in life.

We used to say so and so have died. Often times, we say so and so have passed away. Now, it seems it is only appropriate to say so and so have passed on.

The deaths we usually encountered are frequently of those elder than us. As we grow older, more of our peers passed on. But I have three friends who passed on when they were only in their 20s.

I tried to avoid going to wakes or funerals. I didn’t attend any of my three friends; two of which I couldn’t even if I had wanted to. Nothing superstitious; just don’t know what to say or how to “behave” at these usually sad occasions. Not many wakes or funerals are about “celebrating the deceased’s life” and not “mourning the deceased’s passing”.

Am I afraid of my own death? One no and two yesses. No, as I am not worried about whether I will be enjoying ice-cream and chocolate in heaven or be burned in hell. Yes, if I am going to be in great pain and suffering prior to my death. Yes, if I were to die before my mum does. I don’t need to live to a very old age. I just need to live just one day longer than my mum so that I can take care of her till her very last day and she does not need to “experience” my passing on.

Cremated or buried? Why bother to get people to dig labouriously, boxed my dead body up, slowly rot inside and underneath and be food for maggots? Scatter my ashes? That’s pollution. Besides who is willing to bring my ashes to the Tibetan mountains?

In Memory of My Three Friends

Three of my friends have passed on many years back.

The first was a friend whom I got to know through social gatherings. We liked the same music and singers. We got along quite well. I lend him one of my favourite cassette tapes. He didn’t appear much at our gatherings because he was always busy either with his final-year studies in NUS or something. We kept in touch with the occasional phone calls then. Usually he was the one to call as I didn’t want to bother him as he seemed to be very busy. Then the calls stopped. But I didn’t think much of it as it was natural as sometimes friends don’t keep in touch constantly. But when they do, you know they are going to be your same old friend.

A year went by and I decided to give him a call one evening in 1984. A girl, whom I later found out to be his sister, picked up the phone. When I asked for him, she hesitated and paused and asked me who I was. I replied I was a friend of his. She slowly told me that his brother had passed on for slightly more than a year of bone cancer. I was too distraught to listen carefully and to continue with the conversation. When she asked me what I was calling him for, I remembered I murmured about wanting the cassette tape back. I apologized and hung up. Though he was already limping when I got to know him, he was a very cheerful person and there wasn’t any hint to his condition then. In hindsight he did seem “quiet” at times and there was always that aura of peace within him. He seemed contented with the present then.

The second was my secondary school classmates. He was part of the “gang” we belonged to. I used to go to his house to do my technical drawings homework. Why? I was bad at technical drawing and it was the only homework that I could do, talk and listen to music at the same time. In fact I timed my technical drawing homework to the radio pop chart programmes. He was also my neighbour. After I moved, we didn’t keep in contact other than the once-a-year birthday and Christmas cards. Then the cards stopped. I thought he had moved away or something. Many of my other friends also slowly “disappeared” when there were no returned Christmas cards. Then a number of years later, in 1987, I read about his passing in the obituary. Though his family members knew me then I wasn’t sure they would remember me and I didn’t try to find out his cause of death. Did it matter how he died? Sometimes not knowing is better.

The third was a Malaysian guy with family and work problems. Sometimes he talked about ending his life in a joking manner and I used to help and offered advice on how to tackle his problems. Was extremely happy for him when he found a girl friend. He seemed happier and the three of us hung out a number of times but I eventually declined so as not to be in the way. Months passed. One day his girl friend called me and said he got work problems again and had talked of dying. I told her not to worry as this had happen a number of times before. The next day she called me and said he had committed suicide by jumping off from his block. I felt so horrible and guilt-ridden then. Even as I write this now I still feel guilty as I did not take him seriously and thought his girl friend should be able to console him. As usual, and especially this time round, I didn’t want to go to his wake and funeral and I was too ashamed to call his girl friend. He was only 28 years old; three years my junior.

Many years later, I met his girl friend at a shopping centre. I was basically stunned but, from a distance, she smiled at me. The smile was an it-is-alright-now-don’t-blame-yourself kind of smile. I smiled back still a bit guilty. We didn’t exchange any words and we walked in different directions.

The Past Three Weeks

The past three weeks have been packed for me. It’s like I have been just flowing along with the current with no control and hence I have not posted anything here.

First there was a report I had to write. But I suffered from “writer’s block” – just don’t know how to write it. Normally I would have completed a report within a week. But this took about 2.5 weeks. Was surprised nobody seemed to notice that I took longer than usual. Perhaps one is “entitled” to a delay once in a while if that is not the norm. One fine evening at around 9.00 pm, I sat down in front of my computer and the words and thoughts just flow to me naturally. I managed to complete slightly more than half by 10.30 pm. Stopped, got ready for bed and continued and finished the report the following morning!

Beside this report, I was also quite busy with other areas of my work. It didn’t help when I applied several days of leave to spend time and play with my cousins’ kids as it was the school holidays.

A “day” with the kids typically starts from 10.00 am (when I start my journey) to after 8.00 pm. By the time I reached home and get settled down, it’s around 9.30 pm. Checked emails and maybe watched the news or other programmes to unwind and it’s time for bed.

My cousin‘s son introduced a computer flash game to me and I was hooked. That evening I played the game till 2.30 am before I reluctantly went to bed. I think if my mum had not knocked on my door and “ordered” me to go to bed I might had continued with the game. Yes, I have been playing this game frequently (each round can last about 45 minutes or so) and I even played this game at the office, though usually during my lunch break but it did encroached my working hours.

Because of the above, I was behind my TV watching schedule. I had to record quite a number of programmes (Eli Stone, Battlestar Galactica, Merlin, documentaries, Korean dramas, etc) and I didn’t get a chance to watch and clear one episode before the next one is on. But I found that I get better entertainment satisfaction watching two or more episodes at one go then watching one weekly.

I will be busy with work this coming week. But after that I should be able to take a breather.

A Tiring Week

This past week has been tiring.

Had second round of budget meeting, which lead to the need to verify and clarify with people who prepared their budgets, like “what were you thinking when you prepared the budget?” After which was the consolidation of the budgets which would be presented for final approval.

Mid-week I caught not the flu bug but the “uh-hum” bug. The “uh-hum” bug just gave me a constant nagging irritation in the throat – no cough, no cold, no fever. But when I had a nasty headache and kind of feverish I went to see the doctor early to prevent another episode of “my immune system being overwhelmed.”

Previously, there was this flu bug that was going around in the office but I managed to fend it off. I was feeling great but whilst at home one day, all of a sudden I got a sudden chill and then fever followed immediately which required two days of rest for me to recover. My doc said my immune system was fighting the then flu bug successfully till it cannot take it anymore and was “overwhelmed” hence the sudden chill and immediate fever. So is my immune system against the flu strong or not?

I have been getting my annual flu jab for the past three years now. Studies show that people who have flu jabs are less likely to get the flu and when they get it, they take one to two days less to recover from it. At $30 a jab, it is worth it!

Was “resting” at home for two days. Spent those two days sleeping, catching up on tv shows and restoring my computer. This time round I can’t even access the failed one-year old hard disk as its CHS values cannot be determined by the BIOS (anybody got a solution to this?). This is a first for me as I never experienced a failed hard disk within a year. My backups had always been in another partition in the same disk and eventually I will create another backup on another hard disk but unfortunately I didn't get to this stage of backup yet. As such I lost all my data and emails for the past 14 months or so. Was kind of dejected over this for the past two weeks as I should have known better and had I not been so "lazy" and so was not in the mood to do anything.

A new staff would be coming onboard so I needed to prepare and configure a computer system for him. Normally I get to know about new staff joining at least a month ahead so I get plenty of time to prep up the system. But this time round it was just a few days’ notice. It seems he was informed of his posting the same time we knew he was coming.

Hope to take some time off next week to catch up with a friend and to play with my cousins’ children.

Do I Make A Good Father?

My cousin and her son, when he was about three to four years old, came to my office once and I played with him whilst my cousin talked with my boss, who was her boss previously. A colleague asked me whether that child was my son and when I replied, “no” he said he thought he was from the way I interacted with him. Are there specific ways how a dad interacts with his son?

Whilst walking past a kindergarten class, there was a noise. I jerked my head to the left and right to find the source of the noise and the whole class laughed. I can look at a child, make a face and the child will laugh. Maybe I got a “cartoon” face. Well not all children would laugh. Those that don’t will stare at me first and maybe wonder “what’s that freak up to?”

I seem to get along quite well with children. I seem to know what they are thinking. Does that make me childish and immature?

I think my cousins’ children like to talk and play with me. Why?

Maybe because my aim is to make them laugh. Children should be happy. I think they have been in a “serious mode” long enough when they are in school, with their teachers and parents that they need to switch off and just be silly, talking nonsense, stretching their imagination, thinking out of the box for a while. They know it is nonsense. Sometimes they say I am lying but I say I was just bluffing.

Maybe as my cousin said, I am not fierce enough. But I don’t really believe in being angry with children. Firm yes; angry no. Perhaps it is easy for me to say this as I see them at most once a week and therefore able to “tolerate” their “nonsense”.

Maybe I missed out on a lot of things when I was a child and knows what matters to a child.

Raising a child is not an easy task. Some say it is a life long process. You got to use different approaches at different stages of a child’s life. It is documented that a child will test and try to push the boundaries that his parents laid for him. It is also documented that a child will play one parent against the other to his advantage.

Does one just use the carrot or stick approach? A combination of both? How to have an effective balance?

Knowing how to make a child laugh and happy do not necessary mean I will be a good father. Will knowing and believing in some of philosophies on parenting (which I shared in my earlier posts) make me a good father? I don’t know and don’t think so. Knowing is one thing, being able to apply them effectively is another.

To those who had said that I would make a good father, I can only say, “thank you”.

Frak! Shut Up and Sit Down!

Part of this post is password-protected.

Reveal Post

I am now so frakkin tired (so mad and frustrated that I could only fall asleep after 12.30 am and woke up 6.20 am this morning!) and the high-starch-carb Portuguese pork chop rice (I had actually wanted a soup and sandwich for lunch but the place was packed) I had for lunch, which I regret now, is making me frakkin sleepy. I don’t think I can work for the rest of the day. My body is awake but my brain is half-comatose. Frak!

If you still do not know how to use the word, “frak” or “frakkin” by now, watch this video: