Friday, November 20, 2009

Patients’ Records – What’s that again?

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

The patient refused an autopsy.

The patient has no past history of suicides.

Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.

She is numb from her toes down.

The skin was moist and dry.

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.

Patient was seen in consultation by Dr Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

The left leg became numb at times and she walked it off.

Father died in his 90s of female trouble in his prostate and kidneys.

Both the patient and the nurse herself reported passing flatus.

Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

Patient stated that if she would lie down, within two or three minutes something would come across her abdomen and knock her up.

By the time she was admitted to the hospital her rapid heart had stopped and she was feeling much better.

Patient has bilateral varicosities below the legs.

If he squeezes the back of his neck for four or five years it comes and goes.

Speculum was inserted between the eyes.

Dr. Blank is watching his prostate.

At the time of onset of pregnancy the mother was undergoing bronchoscopy.

She was treated with Mycostatin oral suppositories.

The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day school three times a week.

Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

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